I’m a wee adrift at the moment…

Greetings everyone.

I’ve been out of commision for quite some time, hmm? As evidenced by the title of this post, the only real reason for this is my mental and emotional state of being. Physically, life is good.

So much has already happened since boyfriend and I moved down to Tennessee just a little over three weeks ago. Ian is kicking butt and taking names at his job; his transition has been wonderfully seamless, and I can tell how much the company values having him down here. He’s a hard worker, and they clearly reward that in these parts.

The apartment is good; a little more “lived in” than we had anticipated, and it can seem a little like living in a dorm at times, since the majority of the other tenants seem to be UTC students, but it’s large and cheap and we bought a washer and dryer, so we now at least “real” grownups. 🙂 Ted has adjusted well to the new space; a good window sill to check out the birdies, a long hallway to run up and down, and he seems to be a happy camper.

Within 1.5 days of training at our new box, CrossFit Brigade, I was offered a job. How cool is that? I’m finally putting my Level 1 Certificate to good use, teaching or co-teaching classes 4-5 times a week. The energy at the gym is good. Membership is smaller than what we’re used to, but considering the gym’s only been operational for 2.5 months, I think they should be really proud of themselves. Now we just need to get a larger demographic of members (more younger, more older, etc). One of the biggest changes for me, as silly as it sounds, is that CFB has real Olympic weightlifting plates, that is to say they are in kilograms. I am still not quite at the point where I can easily convert from pounds to kilos in my head yet: case in point, recently I was squatting for 90 kilos, and was bummed thinking it was only a little over 180 lbs. Actually, it’s about a pound shy of 200. Oops! No wonder that was so hard!!!

But back to the title of the post.

All these wonderful things in my life right now, and I still feel, well…lost. No career, no health insurance, not much to fill my days other than knitting and watching umpteen episodes of No Reservations (although, I am certainly cranking out the knitting projects). Part of the “problem,” I guess you could also say, is that since it is not financially imperative that I get a job at the moment for our household to stay afloat, I am trying to hold out for a job that will lead into a career for me. I want stability. I want a good benefits package. More importantly, I want something that I know I will love doing long-term, as well as a position that is a true test of my abilities and education. I don’t want to settle, and as such, I’m having to be selective about my job applications. I’ve gotten bites here and there, and a few more leads to explore, but at the moment things are progressing slowly.

I also find myself waking up and wondering when I am going to go home back to Maine.

I know that right now, the leaves are turning, the nights are getting crisp, people are going apple picking, and copious amounts of Shipyard Pumpkinhead are being drunk. Fall in Maine is my favorite time of year. Fall in Chattanooga has yet to grow on me.

Every day, there are little things that are slowly helping to anchor my little boat, awash in an uncertain sea of ambiguity and no horizon in sight…

…the unequivocal kindness and Southern charm of everyone that I meet, from shopkeepers to gym members to everyone in between…

…the unmistakable beauty of the city, varied and modern architectural giants reaching up to the sky, right next to storied monuments of another age…

…a community that is striving forward nobly into the new century, culture and cohesion deeply seated in a local government that provides, among many other distractions, free riverfront concerts of local musicians, who are unabashedly as well as admirably a product of their rural roots…

All of these things and more are helping to steer my dinghy to an imagined, distant shore.

I hope I can hold out until I arrive.

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About ahoytheship

A true-blood Mainer living and loving life through CrossFit, food, and fiber arts.
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2 Responses to I’m a wee adrift at the moment…

  1. Tara says:

    Lissa, I can totally relate to how you feel in this post. I too have been looking for all those things you mention, you just put them so much more eloquently than I can. While I don’t have the exact same career struggles as you do (I have a good job in my career field for now, etc) I still find myself unsettled. Part of that really does have to do with my current position because it is still so up in the air if I’ll have it from year to year or where I’ll be next year. At least I have my career started and I know where I want to be and what I want to be doing. All I can say is don’t settle, keep looking for what makes you happy and keeps you challenged. That’s what I’m doing too. 🙂
    I’ve also been in the same place a little over a year and that place happens to be really close to my hometown but I still wonder when I’m going to go “home” (wherever that is…I still feel like that’s G’burg for me) as well. I also know how you feel being in a new place so far away from friends and family, it’s how I felt for two years in NC. I’ve been told it takes three years to feel accustomed to a place and connected to it, not that that helps you right now but just know you may not feel settled for some time yet.
    It’s good to hear that you are otherwise doing well. Just know that you aren’t alone in how you are feeling, I’m right there with you and wishing you the best in this new path. Good luck and I truly miss you! Much love!
    –Tara

    • ahoytheship says:

      Tara, you’re the absolute best 🙂 I miss you and Ty and all the guys lots; maybe we can all get together this summer somewhere for a mini-reunion? I’d glad that you’re doing well, and I appreciate all of your support and kind words. You’re really something, my dear. 🙂
      Much love right back!
      Lissa

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